Facts of Life
by Kariesue
Summary: John explains the facts of life to some curious observers.


_disclaimer:_ Not mine although I wouldn't mind adopting them.

_rated:_ K - this came from a little baby muse so I had to keep it clean.

_A/N_: This little baby ficlet popped into my head asking very nicely if I could share it. And it even asked 'pretty please', so how could I refuse?

_feedback:_ always

**Facts of Life**

**by kariesue**

**.**

"Daddy, where Mama?"

John Sheppard looked down at his not quite three year old daughter, Charin Elizabeth, as she plopped next to him on the blanket he'd spread out on one of the wide verandas overlooking the ocean.

He took a sippy cup filled with juice out of the large basket he'd brought along and handed it to her. "Your Mom is having a check-up with Auntie Jen. I told you that earlier, Charlie."

"Yeah, remember Charin," Torren reminded her, using her given name as only his Dad was allowed to get away with calling her Charlie. "Auntie Jen is checking on the baby."

Charin looked up and a pout appeared on her dimpled face. "But _I_ your baby, Daddy."

"I know you are, sweetie," John consoled her and pulled her into his lap to snuggle her close. "But your Mom and I are going to have _another _baby. Just like we had _you_ even though we already had TJ."

"Yeah, and I didn't pout and cry about it like you are," Torren taunted his little sister.

John looked at the five year old who he'd raised and thought of like a son and gave a crooked smile. "Actually TJ, you did. Quite a bit."

The downtrodden look on the boy's face made John smile. He knew Torren always liked to show how much older and wiser he was than his sister but occasionally it backfired on him.

"But you were about the same age as Charlie, so it's completely understandable."

TJ's face perked back up with this excuse and he dug into the basket to pull out a water bottle and a sandwich. John grabbed one too and deposited Charlie back on the blanket next to him, handing her some fruit.

The little girl gazed up at her Dad with big eyes so like her mothers. "Daddy, where da baby?"

"It's in Mommy's belly," Torren explained not so patiently. "We already told you this. It's the reason Mommy is getting so fat."

John's eyes lit up with laughter but warned, "You better not let your Mom hear you say that, Pal. Because then _I'll _never hear the end of it. You don't know what I go through trying to convince her she's still the most beautiful woman in the world."

Charlie giggled at her Dad saying this about her Mom but Torren just rolled his eyes and got a goofy look on his face. It was kind of embarrassing that his parents were still so huggy and kissy all the time. Well, at least when they were in their quarters. Luckily they were what Dad called 'professional' while they were hanging out in the city. Thank the Ancestors for that!

But Charlie was still intent on playing twenty questions. "How da baby det in Mama's belly?"

John looked at TJ wondering if the boy was going to try and answer that one. But for once he seemed stumped.

John looked at the sweet girl who was sucking on a piece of some fruit he could never pronounce the name of and tried to think of the best answer for this. Better go with the truth, always a good thing.

"_I_ put it there," John said and Charin looked at him and then got a confused look on her face.

"Why you put da baby dere, Daddy? Now it need to tum out aden."

He couldn't argue with three year old logic but thought he should try and explain as best he could.

"The baby starts in Mommy's belly when it's really, really, small; much too small to come out yet. It needs to grow and get bigger first. Then when it's big enough, the baby will come out."

John thought that sounded logical and hoped Charlie would get distracted with something else soon. But he had no such luck.

"Why da baby need to be bid to tum out?"

John let out a huge sigh and continued, "It's not that the baby needs to be big but until a certain time the baby's not quite ready to be outside of Mommy's belly. Remember last week when Mommy made that bread and she took it out of the oven way too soon."

Torren made a face and let his tongue hang out of his mouth. Charin had a similar remembrance. "Dat was dwoss!"

John chuckled his agreement. "Yes, it _was_ gross. But the point is that the bread wasn't _ready_ yet. It still needed to stay inside the oven for a little bit longer."

"So if a baby tum out too early," Charin worked out in her head, "it be dwoss."

John had to bite his lip to keep the laughter from erupting out of his mouth at his daughter's words. He took a deep breath and tried for a serious tone.

"If the baby came out too early it wouldn't be gross but it _would _be really sick. And that would make your Mom and I very sad."

Charlie looked like she was finally okay with the answers and concentrated on drinking her juice again. Torren, however, was staring at his Dad with a very confused look on his face.

"Dad," he whispered conspiratorially as Charin toddled a bit away to get a grape that had rolled off the blanket. "How _does _the baby get inside Mom?"

John sighed and wondered when Teyla would be returning from her check-up. She had promised to meet them outside when she was done. But TJ was still looking at him like he carried all the wisdom of the world and he knew the boy would not accept some silly fairy tale explanation.

"Well, TJ," John started, trying to stall a bit. "Babies come from _both_ parents. It's why Charlie has your Mom's hair color but my green eyes."

"And so you _both_ make a baby?"

John nodded. "Yeah, you see Moms have eggs and Dads have seeds and when you put them together, it creates a baby." He hoped the garden analogy would help his son as he knew TJ had been learning about the plant life cycle in his lessons. TJ looked pensive and seemed to be mulling the idea around in his head. But Charin had apparently still been listening in on the conversation.

"No, Daddy," she scolded, her hands on her hips, "Seeds mate fowers. Mama have a _baby,_ not a fower."

John let his head drop and wondered why his kids had to be so darned curious. He thought he should blame it on their Uncle Rodney.

He lifted his head and gazed at his little miniature version of Teyla and explained, "You're right, honey, flower seeds do make flowers. But the seeds Daddies have are like baby seeds. They make babies."

Charin just nodded her head then skipped away to look out over the ocean and let the breeze blow her hair around. But TJ still was not satisfied.

"But how does your seed get _inside_ Mom?"

John almost groaned. This answer would be a little trickier and he knew he couldn't really give TJ the blow by blow details but maybe a stripped down version.

"Well, TJ, when your Mom and I go to bed, after both of you are asleep, sometimes we like to hold each other really close and snuggle together."

"I know that," Torren said. "I see you still holding each other when I get up in the morning sometimes."

"And so if we hold each other really, really close, sometimes Daddy's seed will go into Mommy."

John held his breath to see if TJ would buy that explanation. The boy thought about it for a second then asked, "But where?"

John closed his eyes and his shoulders sagged. He looked up at Torren and tried to stifle the glare that he wanted to shoot at him. His jaw clenched as he hissed, "That's what your private parts are for. And that's why they're private and we don't really talk about them."

Torren's eyes grew big and his eyes slipped down to his lap then he looked horrified. He jumped to his feet and said, "I'm gonna get my ball and see if Charin wants to play."

John figured the sigh he let out could be heard on the mainland. He nodded to TJ and then leaned back against the wall behind him.

"I really liked the seed and egg explanation," John heard Rodney's voice pipe in from the balcony above him. "Very scientific."

"I don't know," Ronon mumbled. "I thought the part about the half-baked bread was pretty good."

John's head turned slowly up to find his friends staring at him, their faces beaming with laughter. God, he was never going to live this down. He might as well pack up and move to another planet. He'd be lucky if they forgot about this by the time the baby was born and that was almost four months away.

As he glared back at them, Teyla sauntered out onto the veranda and maneuvered herself to sit next to John.

"Jennifer says everything looks fine with the baby."

John just stared back and tried for a smile. "That's great. But next time I think _you_ should take the kids out and _I'll _go see the Doc."

The howls and roars of Rodney and Ronon from above made Teyla look up questioningly. There was a story to tell here and she could not wait until she heard it.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxxo


End file.
